Three years have passed so quickly but some days I still think I’ve forgotten things and panic trying to remind myself. The shock of losing you took away a few of our last conversations and I’ve fought hard with myself since then to find every detail, every expression and every word. I’m sure I’ve got some of them wrong but it doesn’t matter now, I’m not going to get any new conversations with you so I have to carry the old ones around as best I can.
You’d be really proud of everyone. Paula is the very best mum you could ever want for your grandchildren and I know you’d be excited about the new baby coming our way in January (Isla has decided that if it’s a boy Granny can have him but I think John managed to convince her that’s not the best idea). Isla knows who you are and we talk about you all the time (freaked Paula out no end when Isla first pointed you out in a picture and said “Grandma”. Yeh, I should have told her that I’d been teaching her that, her face was pretty funny though…).
I’m so proud of Dad. From the second I landed back in Aberdeen he stepped up (even doing the ironing! Well let’s face it, he knew I was never going to do it), looking out for us and making sure everything was happening to “mum’s satisfaction”. Don’t get me wrong, I know he’s not happy all the time and I can see that he misses you every day but every day he’s trying his best to make everything be ok. We still bicker like children (drives Paula nuts!) but it kind of amuses us both too. Dad and I were built to bicker.
You were right about Simon, he does look after me. I started my own business this year and it’s been a long hard slog but things are starting to come together. Simon’s supported me all the way even though it’s meant no holidays for the last two years. You’d be proud of John too (Isla’s just like him, stubborn…. though they say she gets a bit of that from me but I’m definitely blaming John!), he’s the best big brother a girl could want.
Losing you so suddenly was difficult for a lot of people, not just us. When I first talked about raising money to build a school in your memory, it was completely overwhelming to see how many people wanted to help. It was even more overwhelming when the fund raising started and suddenly (at least it seemed that way) we had a school!
I know you’d be really embarrassed to see your picture all over posters and in newspapers (that kind of makes me smile though) but I also know that you’d be so pleased to see those children in their class rooms. It melts my heart to look at the pictures and to know that my mum did that. I can’t wait to go out there and tell them all about you.
I thought that when you died I would have to collect all my memories for Isla and my own children so that I could tell them stories of their Grandma. I thought that all the stories had happened and it made me sad that there were no new ones to add. It turns out I was wrong. Now I have so many more stories and new ones happening every day.
So tonight I’m going to really enjoy watching all the fireworks and thinking that each one is a celebration of you.
Love you and miss you every day,